Weekend over, the start of a new one! Hope you all must have had a great time with your family and loved ones! At last, that special time with the ones you love, matters the most! For me, yes, I too enjoyed a lot and hence didn’t post anything for you people to read. Today I plan to write about this topic, concerning love, a feeling of possession in it and a not so welcome obsession about the person we love. It is a debatable one, hence I expect quite a few fiery comments shot at me! I will be thankful if I get that! 🙂
Love, in itself, is a pure feeling, pious and lovely; something that asks us to think about a person, smile at his remembrances, want to hold him when he needs, wish for the best that could happen to him in his life and trust him on the fact that he will be honest to us as we are to him. That’s all! Not an ounce more, nor an ounce less. It is the dream of spending life together, not because we need each other, but because we love each other and hence would like to travel the long path of life together.
One magic hint that would tell you that you are in true love is, you will think of your partner all the time, without craving like life to be physically present with him. I mean, it would be absolutely perfect if he is not around because he had something more important to attend to – Possibly a job trip or meeting a long lost friend or just out shopping for himself. You will be happy for him because whatever he is doing at the moment, is making him happy. You won’t ask him why these things are more important, and why you are not the most important part of his life! That is what true love is! But given the human nature, falling in this kind of love is actually very very difficult. There is always a tinge of possessiveness attached naturally and that is because you don’t want the person you love, to leave you. So it is absolutely fair to feel a bit insecure about your relationship.
I am sorry for using the masculine gender for the third person, but I simply cannot help, because I am a female! So forgive me if you feel I am being biased! But men, you could replace the ‘him’ with a ‘her’ at all places to relate this with yourself! Anyways, whatever sex you belong to, the feeling of being in love is uniform throughout ages, countries, races and sex! So you mandatorily need to feel these things, if you don’t do so, you either have something less than love or something more than love.
Possessiveness is the second aspect which many people confuse with love. ‘You are mine; no matter whomever you talk to, you will always give me the foremost attentive span. You belong to me and so does your life; I have the right to think for you on your behalf; I have the right to dominate your actions to a certain extent; I know what is right for our relationship and will decide on things; why do you need to watch a movie till late night with your friends?; I don’t want you to talk to this person, so you will not; you are hurting me in doing this!; I will leave you if you repeat this mistake!’ – All these are signals of a possessive relationship. More than often, every relationship has a natural ingredient of possessiveness in it, even parent feel possessive of their children! That’s is not wrong! but being too possessive, denies your partner enough breathing space! It is well, very good for your relationship, if he is completely submissive about things and does exactly what a possessive ‘you’ wants him to. but otherwise, there are chances your relationship will suffer in the long run. become extremely possessive and your partner will take it to be lack of trust and he is right in thinking so! Had you trusted, you would not have nagged him!
Possessiveness and love go hand in hand and often they cannot be distinguished. The core hint that could help you differentiate between the two is: Ask yourself whether you like doing what your partner is asking you not to do, thinking that it would be bad for you? If yes, then your partner is caring. Now think remotely, is thing thing actually going to harm you in the long term? If no, then your partner is possessive and does not want you to do that thing just because he thinks it is not right for you. He never asked you what you think. Draw you boundaries and be vocal in telling that you don’t like such kinds of interference, otherwise you would never know when this possession feeling would grow into obsession!
Obsessiveness is the most hateful condition, a relationship can be in. You get entirely swallowed up by the whims and fancies of a nagging partner and don’t have space for yourself. The prime motive of an obsessive partner is to distance you from your friends and own you completely, so much so, that your life is no more your’s. It is the pain that he feels without you being physically and mentally present for him that would drive him to separate you from all other relationships! Generally an obsessive partner would threaten you of dying if you left him or spoke to somebody else. He would keep a continuous watch on you, call you every 2 mins, message you and expect an immediate reply as though you had nothing more important to do and try to bind you with all sorts of privileges. Initially, it is very difficult to differentiate between a loving partner and an obsessive partner. the privileges, messages, phone calls and gifts are taken to be a form of care, and of course, any one would do it
The truth starts facing up when you tell him that you are sitting with a friend and spending a good time with him! He would immediately start calling, messaging, try to talk to you, in a nutshell, try to grab your attention, until your friend gets frustrated and leaves! Then, when you ask why he did this, he would justify saying that he loves you and so, has the right to talk to you at whatever time he wants! He would expect you to give him the prime focus even when you might have other important hings to do. And if, at times he allows you to have a good time with your friends and family, he would make it a point to later on remind you about his bigheartedness in doing so!
Such kinds of nagging relationships often become a burden you must have to carry because there is no way you can drop them. Threats of suicide, information that the partner is suffering severely because you are not paying attention and a cry for focus would never allow you to free yourself from this kind of relation until you are strong enough to fight your way out! But for a better future, it is imperative that you drop such a relation. And mind it, if you are trying to support and change an obsessive partner, that is not possible! Obsession can never be rectified.
Hope you find out what kind of relationship you are in right now after you have read this!