Dignity in a love relationship is often confused with ego. Is it truly so? We all have the right to live with our due dignity. After all, love or no love, we all are human beings and need to claim a scoop of respect in our lives! But that does not mean we are egoistic, does it? Sensitive, that is what I think about this issue. Today, I chose to write about the nuances of having a relationship with balanced proportions of dignity and closeness in it.
What actually is dignity
Dignity, as a term can be defined as an individualistic sentiment that makes us feel respected in our own eyes. And because there is the term, ‘in our own eyes’, the dignity factor is bound to vary from one person to another. When someone comments, ‘Oh! damn hot chick you are looking today!’, I feel that is hurting my dignity because looking like a hot chick is the last thing I want on this planet. Rather, I would love to look a decent simple girl! But looking like a chick might just be the right thing for some other girl! Similarly, when my boyfriend would mock at me, saying, ‘You must be driving men crazy!’, that would hurt my dignity, because I don’t want ti drive every Tom, Dick and Harry crazy! But such complements might be the hitting stones to woo any other girl!
So, I am not egoistic! Being treated with dignity in a relationship means getting the other person to know what exactly hurts where.
Where does it go wrong generally?
Things go sour when in a relationship, one partner has to compromise several times on what he thinks to be self respect to him. It would be good to state here, that the same thing might not be such sensitive to the other partner! Let us take an example of an extremely possessive person. For this guy, it would be a constant worry as to what is his partner doing, whom is she talking to and where is she going. As a consequence, he would be stalking her and questioning her. But women, generally tend to be more sensitive is such cases! Had I been in the place of the girl, it would have hurt me greatly to have given a perfect account of my what-abouts and my where-abouts. It is my life after all, and even in a love relationship, the equation of individuality remains the same! I know I am not ditching and as far as I know that I am loyal, I would definitely not want my partner to think otherwise! For me, it is my dignity and self-respect in picture. For him, it might be his love and affection!
Now, the problem crops up when I communicate my feeling once to him, and twice and may be thrice. The fourth time, I would stop discussing things out and things would go sour and more sour and yet more sour!
What can be done about it?
Putting your things in someone else’s brain is a difficult task to do. Unless and until you have a partner who is willing to listen, understand and implement, it might, well, be very difficult to get things back on track. The irony about a relationship with hurt dignity is that, when you say ‘I am hurt’, more than often, you partner would come up with a similar statement as well! Yes, both have been hurt, but here, it is necessary for both the partners to carefully calculate the meaning of the words they have spoken. Say sorry and mean it. Take your words back, literally of course and move on, taking care never to repeat it again. Remember that self love and love for one’s own self respect come highest in the chronology of human emotions. If you love your partner, try and love her dignity. Women feel good when they are respected and cared for.
For those, who have immature people as their partners, either go ahead with them leaving behind the hope that they will ever understand you, or else leave them behind in your life thinking that they don’t deserve you. And trust me, you would not be wrong in thinking so! Of course, a person who cannot respect you, will not be able to accept you completely, never!