I was going through the analytic of my blog when I came across this search term. Some tormented soul must have tried digging out for that rope end so that her bondage from a narc is broken off. In the process, she landed up on my blog. Well, whoever it is mate, I guess you must have had a gala time of storms and ups-downs with your Narc. And I dedicate today’s post to you.
Breaking up with a Narcissist is an extremely difficult, emotionally taxing and soul killing process. Trying to bring changes in the nature of a Narcissist if futile. It is like banging your head against a wall until you bleed to death. Breaking up and leaving is often the last thing, any person attached with a Narc would do. During the course of relationship with a narcissist, the victim falls prey to Stockholm Syndrome. And codependents being easy targets to Narcissists, the cycles of resurrection and dooming never ends. the victim almost always goes back to the Narcissist partner, trying to be compassionate and understanding, hoping that things will change…… But they never do!
The only way to completely break free from a Narcissistic bond is to bring the ‘No Contact’ policy into practice. Many people who have successfully maintained a No Contact would know how it is difficult and yet how much rewarding it is! Stop being forgiving. If he has done something wrong, he needs to realize it, which he will never! So the best deal for you is to leave, run and never ever look back. The following are some of the core rules of ‘No Contact’ to beak free from a narcissist.
- First, stop expecting that he would ever feel sorry about what he has done.
- Do not expect him to call up or contact you to apologize, if he ever does that, it would be because his supplies are depleting and he needs some more meat to keep him going.
- Whenever you feel the urge to talk to him, remind yourself of the most hurtful thing that he did to you, his lies, his manipulations, his affairs, his accuses, his abuses, everything that would place you on the oven.
- Never try to spy on him, with the expectation that you would find him withering away without you. Trust me, his snores at nights and shines during days. Devils do not have conscious. Mine did not have one too! None of them have.
- If work places coincide, try to stay professional. Never look into the eyes. these folks have something hypnotizing about their eyes. You look at them, and they would bind you up. Avoid a direct eye contact.
- If you have kids with him and are fighting for a divorce, let your lawyer do the job for you, or hire a person who would contact him on your behalf.
- If you had been sharing something with him, leave him with the possessions for the good. Give him the pet, the suitcase, the antiques, and ask him to take them to his hell. You would anyways be too busy picking pieces up, to mind those extra things!
- You see him on the road, act as if you do not know him, a complete stranger. Even if he stops and try to talk, be polite and excuse yourself.
- The moment you feel like talking to him or messaging him or leaving a voice mail, pick up your phone and engage in chit-chat with your girl friend instead, but do not in the name of heaven try and talk to that guy.
- If you have common friends with him, ask those friends not to discuss him with you. Avoid them if they do so.
- In short, obliterate yourself from his life, so that he can’t find you for sucking more juice out!
It is easier said than done. All these 3 years, I have ended up hurting myself 6-7 times, in vain. Till this date, that man is happy in the rosy image he created for himself. He is not concerned with anything other than himself. He is possibly happy with his lady-love. I would be dishonest if I say it does not matter to me anymore. But I am trying. Please try and do not give up! We will be set free some day…
- How do you know you are with a Narcissist? (bondsnbinds.wordpress.com)
- An emotional roller coaster – Relation with a narcissist (bondsnbinds.wordpress.com)
- Are You in a Relationship With a Narcissist? (dangerouslee.biz)
- The Bundles of Joy Blogging Award Nominations – 8 & 9 – The Narcissist Slayers (anupturnedsoul.wordpress.com)
- Signs That You’ve Been Abused by a Narcissist (paularenee.wordpress.com)
- Walking into a room where a narcissist is can create stress for no apparent reason (sarahchambersaudios.wordpress.com)
- Contact or No Contact with Narcissistic Mother (narcissisticmothers.wordpress.com)