How many times have you seen that “You are supposed to do as I say” look on your spouse’s face? Or, “I have worse professional problems than you have” attitude when you return home? Or, “You just don’t understand anything!” Or a taunting “I think you enjoyed partying tonight darling, I was happy to see you happy, but you know something, I wished you would find out I was just not feeling well!” Or, “It was a good sex last night honey! You were a sex diva!” Lots of times? Then possibilities are, you are counting your years with a psychopath…….. 😦 You might think all this is natural, happens in every relationship! Even I used to think the same. But no pal! These are symptoms of abnormal relationships. And dignity is a factor that all abnormal relationships make a weapon to play with. If it is your dignity in question, and you are a bit touchy about it, your psychopathic partner is sure to play a dice game with it.
Dignity is an integral part of every relationship. Respect for the freedom and individual existence of the partner is not an option, it is imperative. We all are separate individuals with separate goals, ambitions, likes, dislikes, habits, choices, preferences and much more. When two different individuals get intimate emotionally and decide on entering into a relationship, they still carry their individual selves with them. Blending into each other is natural. A breakfast skipping guy would gradually catch the habit of having regular breakfasts when he gets into a live-in with his partner. That is a healthy blending and should be the objective of every relationship. However, if the girl-friend wires the guy into watching daily soaps instead of playing soccer, now that is where the problem starts! It is not healthy! It was a quality, a choice, a liking in the man, which he had to alter because there was a subtle condition attached.
I believe there would be thousands of relationships like this, which go on in the same manner, because one partner completely morphs into the reflection of the other partner. You lose your individualism. And when you realize that and retaliate, that is when your dignity and self-respect face the blow. That blow really hurts. And you might be left thinking, “What on earth have I done to deserve this? I was just following a small time interest! It is my life after all!”
No mate, it is not your life, no more! Your life now belongs to your psychopathic partner! And that is because you have subtly been conditioned like that, over the years, with such soft touches, that you barely knew it was happening. Psychopaths, no matter whether they are Narcissists, Border-lines, Histrionics, invert narcissists, all of them tend to consider their partners as extensions of themselves. So it has to be what they say, always, no matter how illogical and extravagant the demand be! And if you do not submit to those demands, you are no more the sweetie, you once used to be! You are bad, a competitor, an intruder, a devil and Lord knows what more. And now the disordered partner has all the rights in the world to belittle, berate and degrade your self-esteem. Now that belittling could be indirect taunts or direct blows, depends upon what mood the psychopath is in.
It is a painful experience. You try to understand what is happening. And the longer you spend in trying to understand, the greater is the damage done to your self-esteem. And these people are expert manipulators. They will make you look guilty and wrong and bad in such a manner that some day, you would completely agree to what they are saying. I shall relate one incident that happened to me:
I have mid-sized straight hair texture. The growth is not very impressive, but yet, I like doing things with my hair. When I had first met my ex, he was all praise about how much he was in love with my hair. He always asked me not to tie them up. And MY GOD! I was so damn flattered at those comments! Stupid enough, I had developed a Rapunzel feeling about my gift! As time went by, those special lovely mentions started declining. I told myself, ‘Common! That is natural! Give that poor guy some respite!’ And so I was all happy about everything. And then things went from OK to bad and bad to worse and worse to unbearable. There was taunt in everything. One day I had a haircut, styled up and went on to put a sexy show infront of him. You know what he said? “You are looking fabulous! But tell me one thing. You do all this so that guys on the road look at you give you attentive glimpses, isn’t it?” I was awed by the way he thought it to be! Why would anyone have a haircut and put on a show infront of strangers?
But I now know why he said that to me. He projected himself. psychopaths do that. They cook up stories that are true about them and untrue about you. Over the years, when you keep getting exposed to such stupid things, you obviously start feeling a fool! Yes, I did feel like a fool standing in front of his as he kept smirking and scrolling the screen of his phone. I felt like slapping him, but something in me again said, “You know he is like that. He is frustrated. Forgive him. May be I should not have got a haircut at all!” See? How he played with my mind!
A psychopathic relationship tears you up into pieces without you knowing it. The day you come to feel yourself torn apart, the damage has already been done. They way out is, notice signals that are indirect blows. You have the right to do what you like to do. You have lived with yourself, the way you are, for a way longer time than you are with your partner. Do not give up things that are not bad in you. It is healthy to improve yourself. It is unhealthy to forget yourself. If your partner wants you to forget yourself, something is terribly wrong. Connect the dots ans you would be able to put your finger on the problem.