Yes, I have not moved on!

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No I have not, I am stuck there

Like my soul has been trapped in his treasure casket.

It has tried to swim, swim out of his fragrance

But it has failed.

And all I do now is do, and undo

I delete, I undo….

I block, I unblock….

I trash, I untrash….

I erase, I write back….

I pretend, I smile, I show some teeth, hide my tears and shed them when I am alone

It’s crazy, its frantic. And I know he ain’t know.

‘Coz he seems happy in his world…

His family….the family he disdained so much…

All of a sudden he has grown so fond! There’s so much love all around

And so much of empty around me!

But why do I think all that??

I had resolved not to think! promised myself I would try and forget

I just cant

And it pricks me like thousands of needles all at once,

Like thousands of screams tearing my ears apart,

Like thousands of waves destroying my faith each day.

And it hurts….It hurts so very much.

I am breaking each moment, I am growing weak

Its undefined….its unexplained…its unidentified

But its real.

My head spins round,

my heart loses its trail…

My eyes grow puffier by every bat

My insides feel so frail!

And I don’t know if he knows.

I don’t know if he feels.

All I know, it was the best dream I ever had…

And the sweetest mare that reveals

I don’t want it to repeat, Yet I want it so much.

I have grown fond of the proximal distance

As much I love the distant proximity

I have grown fond of the anxiety, the eggshells,

I have started loving the craziness and the adventure

Peace is a long lost friend….

I have started loving my demons

And the voices that play havoc within

I like to stay lost in the poison

Stay smothered in the vicious sin

I keep remembering….keep crying…

Keep hurting my soul on and on

I keep mumbling…And keep refusing

Guess I have not yet moved on.

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