Signs and symptoms
There are these sweet little creatures in our life, human creatures of course, that can drive us insanely happy. Its all good about them….And suddenly, some day, they get severely upset with us for defending our own boundaries and they start plotting against our sanity. Everything, right from the tip of the longest hair on our head to the tip of the longest nail of our toe, starts smelling ridiculously sinister. And then we go insanely crazy figuring out what the actual sin was, that we committed!
And then it suddenly dawns upon us that what this dear fellow is rumbling against is not something really important at all! In fact, the sinister something was never committed! It was something else! It was us trying to oppose him on grounds that were perfectly logical! And then we decide that this illogical hoopla is a tad too much! We stop interacting with this once ultimately sweet being in the hope that it will get across the message to him! That he will understand why we are hurt, and what is tormenting our souls! That he will work a little bit on his own boundary issues and learn to respect ours! And we wait for this hope to turn real. And we wait and wait and wait……..and wait. Finally, when nothing seems to be stirring up in his conscious, we feel ourselves to be over reacting. And when we convey our thoughts to him, he would only willingly reassure us of our over reaction. We think this might actually not be such a great reason to walk out! And we walk in again… And we see the sweet little fellow again in the candy-fairy paradise!
We get busy relishing the candies, when again the air gets a bit too tense! And suddenly there is this psychotic storm heading again. The blood pressures shoot high, logic seems to have gone to the graveyard, suddenly the candies start melting and we just stare into clear space wondering what in the name of heavens is it again?? Those frowning glances, those taunting remarks, continuous spying on how many candies we consumed, lethal questions which do not have healthy answers to them, again a whirlwind break up, and this time, a resolution not to get back into the witch-trap again!
Hush! Dear good Lord! Life seems so much at peace without this candy-fellow, but we are still at war with ourselves! It is so good without him, yet so bad! We pretend not to remember him and miss him, but we miss him so so much! We cheerfully eat out with our girlfriends to show off our sanity to the world, but inside, we are going insane! This war! Oh this war! It seems to be breaking us down into pieces! And we decide to confront him! The phone bell rings and out ear drums start dancing at the stimulation of that calm sweet voice!
‘Oh! I am so lucky he picked up my call! My savior! My dream candy fellow! I missed you so much! Why didn’t you bother to ask me where I am? I just showed I am happy! But inside, the best pessimist would be happier that I am! I have been craving for you, your voice, your smiles, your eyes!…………You taunts, your fights, your glances…..You see, I am so used to the psychotic life! Now that’s what fixes me! I want you back in my life, to give my daily dose of war to me! I need it, so that I know I am alive! Where were you????’
And the answer is, ‘I would love to be there you know! It is you who drives me out! Here, come, let me take you back to my candy house!’ Smirk…..Smirk… And we are so happy!
If you have experienced anything like this happening with you, you have been in my shoes. Forgive me the metaphors, I could not help imagining the witch’s candy house while writing this post.
Again, guys, I am a girl, so you will find a fluent use of he as the candy fellow…. Don’t take it personally. Your candy fellow might be a ‘she’!
Well, that is something that needs expert experience. And when we get into any relationship, we typically do not possess that much of any experience whatsoever, leave apart having expertise at it. Let’s accept it, everybody is no psychopath detector! To topple that with a disgusting mistiness, ‘Love is terribly blind’ and no speck of light filters through its iris! So that means, when you are in a relationship, you simply do not notice the small and big red colored flags that your partner flutters in front of you. It is definitely more peaceful to stay in blissful ignorance.
Not with Narcs! So stay alert to the slightest signs. Here are a few ways you can make out that you are getting hitched up with a Narcissist. I am dividing the entire process in 3 stages, ‘The Adoration’, ‘The confusing Degradation’ and ‘The Final Discard’. Read them, determine which stage you are in and leave, no matter which stage you are in! These people cannot house strong long-term relations. Read the rest of this entry »