tips and nuances
They say its easier said than done… Staying happy, seeking happiness for one’s own self, no matter what situation you are in. Is it actually such a difficult thing? Such a difficult action to stay happy? I don’t underestimate the power of other emotions, neither their importance. every emotion does have its own significance. Fear tells us we should protect ourselves, anger tells us something is not fair, jealousy tells us we need to be better, possessiveness says we are in love, bliss tells us this is the best we could have, divinity tells us we are connected to the creator. But happiness? It just tells us that we are happy! No second meaning, just happy! Then why is staying happy so difficult?
There have been times when I have pondered upon the exact words that I could use to describe emotions in a relationship. Most of these terms are broad, having a broad meaning structure, more or less, dependent on the cultures we are brought up in. Some of the words related to a relationship, that I found to have a gross varied interpretation are ‘Love’, ‘Possession’, ‘Care’, ‘Admiration’, ‘Adoration’, ‘Mesmerization’, ‘Completion’, ‘Responsibility’, ‘Acceptance’, ‘Forgiveness’ and ‘Ownership’ and ‘Belongingness’. All these terms have different perceptions for different individuals. I have tried doing an insane amount of research and yet have not found a definition that would speak out exactly what I want to say. Ownership, possession and belongingness are the most manipulated terms that cruelly rule the rules of many relationships. This post dedicates itself to my version of belongingness, possession and ownership.
These three terms are very keenly related, yet very relative in their descriptions. Well, according to me, ‘Ownership’ and ‘Possession’ should never be given a worthy position in any relationship. We all are human beings, dignified individuals, having our values in our own eyes…. No one has the right to possess or own us…no…no one! The feeling of ‘Belongingness’ is however, elementary to any relationship. The feeling that ‘I belong here, in your life, to your heart’ is an incredibly important realization that lends strong grounds to any relation, any relation per se.
Probably, this feeling of belonging has been most cruelly used with a sharp deliberation. May couples feel belongingness to each other, but with that healthy instinct, they also feel the awkward obligation to give in completely to their partner. No, that is wrong, unhealthily, stealthily, hamperingly, incredibly wrong.
Belongingness does not close the peripheries of an individual to direct him to the center of the circle, most often which, is the partner. It is an essence that carries you to the world, opening doors to comfortable relationships which would be garnering your individual existence in a very positive manner, knowing that, if tomorrow something just turns out sour and turbid, you have someone standing behind you to catch hold of you in case you falter down. Keeping this definition in prospect, the concept of ‘Belongingness’ should be always in the first person. It has to be ‘I belong to you’ and never ‘You belong to me’. The moment it morphs into the second person, there takes birth, a feeling of ownership.
It becomes something like….. You belong to me, so you are supposed to be always protective, be always caring, be always listening, be always loving, be always forgiving, be always intent, be always intimate, be always what I want you to be! Nope! That definition is obsolete and practically unacceptable. Belongingness should free you as an individual and give you space to grow… without your partner being afraid that you would breach his defined territorial ownership and go on to rest in the arms of someone else.
I do not know how many people would agree to me, but yes, that is what I feel! If I belong to a man, I have the security that no matter what, he would be there for me. And if he belongs to me, he will have the same kind of secure feeling…. No conditions, no if-then’s, no nothing! It has all to be ‘Yes, explore your world in your manner, I am there. Only that level of confidence and trust will have me feel belonged to some person.