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10 facts about infidelity

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Infidelity should never be the reason for couples breaking up. I have believed in it and still do. Forgive and move on… Here is an interesting article that I came across. I would love you to go through it.

ideas.ted.com

Love isn’t so much an emotion, says biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, as it is a brain system, one of three that’s related to mating and reproduction. It’s those other two systems that explain why human beings are capable of infidelity even as we so highly value love. Here Fisher explains more about cheating — why it occurs, how common it is and how a study shows it could potentially correlate to a gene.

1. Pairbonding is a hallmark of humanity. Data from the Demographic Yearbooks of the United Nations on 97 societies between 1947 and 1992 indicate that approximately 93.1% of women and 91.8% of men marry by age 49. More recent data indicates that some 85% of Americans will eventually marry.

Further reading:

2. However, monogamy…

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The Concept of Belongingness in Relationships

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Belongingness

There have been times when I have pondered upon the exact words that I could use to describe emotions in a relationship. Most of these terms are broad, having a broad meaning structure, more or less, dependent on the cultures we are brought up in. Some of the words related to a relationship, that I found to have a gross varied interpretation are ‘Love’, ‘Possession’, ‘Care’, ‘Admiration’, ‘Adoration’, ‘Mesmerization’, ‘Completion’, ‘Responsibility’, ‘Acceptance’, ‘Forgiveness’ and ‘Ownership’ and ‘Belongingness’. All these terms have different perceptions for different individuals. I have tried doing an insane amount of research and yet have not found a definition that would speak out exactly what I want to say. Ownership, possession and belongingness are the most manipulated terms that cruelly rule the rules of many relationships. This post dedicates itself to my version of belongingness, possession and ownership.

These three terms are very keenly related, yet very relative in their descriptions. Well, according to me, ‘Ownership’ and ‘Possession’ should never be given a worthy position in any relationship. We all are human beings, dignified individuals, having our values in our own eyes…. No one has the right to possess or own us…no…no one! The feeling of ‘Belongingness’ is however, elementary to any relationship. The feeling that ‘I belong here, in your life, to your heart’ is an incredibly important realization that lends strong grounds to any relation, any relation per se.

Probably, this feeling of belonging has been most cruelly used with a sharp deliberation. May couples feel belongingness to each other, but with that healthy instinct, they also feel the awkward obligation to give in completely to their partner. No, that is wrong, unhealthily, stealthily, hamperingly, incredibly wrong.

Belongingness does not close the peripheries of an individual to direct him to the center of the circle, most often which, is the partner. It is an essence that carries you to the world, opening doors to comfortable relationships which would be garnering your individual existence in a very positive manner, knowing that, if tomorrow something just turns out sour and turbid, you have someone standing behind you to catch hold of you in case you falter down. Keeping this definition in prospect, the concept of ‘Belongingness’ should be always in the first person. It has to be ‘I belong to you’ and never ‘You belong to me’. The moment it morphs into the second person, there takes birth, a feeling of ownership.

It becomes something like….. You belong to me, so you are supposed to be always protective, be always caring, be always listening, be always loving, be always forgiving, be always intent, be always intimate, be always what I want you to be! Nope! That definition is obsolete and practically unacceptable. Belongingness should free you as an individual and give you space to grow… without your partner being afraid that you would breach his defined territorial ownership and go on to rest in the arms of someone else.

I do not know how many people would agree to me, but yes, that is what I feel! If I belong to a man, I have the security that no matter what, he would be there for me. And if he belongs to me, he will have the same kind of secure feeling…. No conditions, no if-then’s, no nothing! It has all to be ‘Yes, explore your world in your manner, I am there. Only that level of confidence and trust will have me feel belonged to some person.

Feelings of breaking up with a narcissist

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Life with a Narcissist

It is not at all long, since I discovered this word. Internet is really a powerful place, and more so, a blessing for people like me who get blinded in love. More honestly put, for people who prefer to turn the ‘I am too sleepy not to dream’ switch of our brains, on. Anyways, we could sing praise about the internet later on. Let’s get straight to the point! I broke up  and it is not more than 3 weeks. I am highly in a traumatic state and I feel that is but natural for almost anyone, who has chosen to break free form a 3 years long relationship. Read the rest of this entry »

A stormy comeback!

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All right guys, I know I have been unforgivably irregular with this.

I won’t explain with petty reasons. You would find a string of explanation in the blogs to follow. I have been through a storm and I would love to warn my readers about anything that unpleasant, so that you don’t feel what I am feeling at this moment.

All ready to come back!

How much is reliability crucial in a relationship

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The other day, while I was waiting to board a bus back to my home from the supermarket area, I noticed an old woman, possibly lingering in her 60’s, standing by the corner of the street. I had to keep standing there for quite long. All the while the lady seemed to be waiting for someone, taxis and buses were passing by but she seemed disinterested in any transport altogether, she just seemed to be intently waiting. It was almost half an hour. I felt curious now. Why would a person, her age keep stressing her eyeballs to see a long distance across is there was someone coming, when there was no sign of any! I approached her and asked if she needed any help. I was stunned at the answer. I shall quote the reply as accurately as I remember….

“I am waiting for my husband. He accompanied me to the supermart here. On our way out, he asked me to wait here, till he would drive out the car from the parking. Seems he has forgotten that I am waiting. Must have driven back home. He would be coming back any time to pick me up.”

I asked her whether I should be helping her to her home, and pat came the reply, “What if I leave and he comes? He would be looking for me! HE would go nuts if he does not find me standing here! It won’t be long dear. I know my husband. However forgetful he is, he would come back. I am sure. Don’t worry about me. It was sweet of you to have asked though!”

That is what the feeling of reliability does in a relationship. It strengthens and nurtures. Do I need to say more?

Hooked up with a psychopath?

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First of all, apologizing for the extreme delay in adding a new post to my treasure. I know I have not done justice with many of my readers! But then, I am back to make you think something more about your relationships.  Today, I chose to write about psychopaths!

Many-a-times, you might have felt that the person you are living with, has never shown his real self to you! Sometimes, a lot of care, and at other times, such a lot of immaturity! We all think these are parts and parcels of relationships! May be, not always. Research says that more than 60% of the world population, falls under some kind of psychological extremity or the other. My husband might be feeling I am one! 😉 Jokes apart, psychopathic relationships are possibly the most pitiable ones to support throughout one’s life.

Read the rest of this entry »

My Versatile Blogger Award!

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Hey readers! I don’t know how I am supposed to begin! Just excuse me for being so naive at this! Please! I recently got nominated for the Versatile Blogger Award! I was simply more than happy! After all, it has to be an achievement when you have barely started blogging since the past 1 and a half months! I have thanked my nominator.. Now I would again love to extend my gratitude towards her! Thank you Julie! For all those who are reading this post, I humbly request you to visit her blog at juliegreenart.com. One more request, please be a more regular visitor to her blog, than you are to mine. She deserves it.

Now for the rules that a nominee has to follow! I am supposed to nominate 15 more blogs for this award. I am really sorry I could not find 15 for you guys out there to read, but yes, I have listed down some 8-9 of them, which I think are really awesome and need to be visited as regularly as time could permit! Here is the list:

http://cerealwithafork.wordpress.com

http://crabbyoldfart.wordpress.com

http://becomingcliche.wordpress.com

http://ivebecomemyparents.com

http://doodlemum.com

http://somespecieseattheiryoung.com

http://4mothers1blog.com

http://fieldnotesfromfatherhood.com

http://scienceofmom.com

Well then, done with the blog’s list! Now I am supposed to tell you 7 little things about myself. With no intention to promote myself, I list down hereby certain things I would love people to know about me…

  1. I am a shy person and express most of my feelings through writing. So friends who fail to understand me sometimes, seek help in my diary! 😀
  2. I am jobless right now… If anyone could help, I would be grateful for life!
  3. I am 27. But the posts I write about talk about things that are more mature. So forgive me further, if you feel I have offended a set of readers! I might not be a very mature thinker.
  4. I enjoy sarcasm and love to read things that need reading between the lines.
  5. I love people who love me, inclusive of my parent. But I fail to express it properly, so naturally they feel I don’t love them.
  6. I love to sleep a lot. So though I might not have much to do, yet I might be lethargic on my blog!
  7. I desperately want more visitors on my page. Anyone out there who would like to help is heartily welcome! 🙂

Thank you Julie! I love you!