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Even strong relationships go sour. Why?

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Fallen in love? Sure? That’s great! So now prepare yourself for a grand roller coaster ride, because the journey won’t be that easy! Many people complain of unneeded stress in a relationship. The more carefree ones are forced to take more care, dressing sense undergoes a tremendous wash up, taste buds get a new treatment, pleasant or unpleasant is not the question right now, visions clash and most importantly, ego has to go fora long stroll so that a relationship remains intact. Once we realize that we have fallen in love, we tend to keep a check on what our partners like, and do exactly the same. Well, this is one of the prime reasons why relationships meet a dead-end after sometime.

We all love certain characteristics in people. So if you have personality ‘A’ and your partner likes personality ‘B’, you could very well shield your true self to show him what he likes, and he will go all rosy about it. He will even flaunt you in front of his friends and keep you extremely high in esteem. but till what point of time? Some day, even you will feel lost, as if you have given your own self off, to the person you love and become something you never intended to! This creates a lot of frustration. This lag period would vary from person to person, depending upon how good an actor he or she is! Well, that is never a great thing to do!

Then you would find things going wrong. Your partner will suddenly be taken aback by a shift in your behavior! And that is not at all his fault! It is because you have never shown your true self to him! Being honest to the core is significant in every relation, even if that honesty is not being liked. Most stress packages are crated in relationships due to this very reason, specifically when it is your first love and in the initial stages of its development.

The only thing  you can do is sit with your partner, talk to him and explain why you did whatever you did and what you want to do now. If he is really in love with you, he will accept you with all your changes in a completely new form. Spare time for each other, for some humor, no matter how busy you stay! Take time to be with him and talk to him and show him how much you love, despite all the differences creeping in. Most importantly, show confidence in the relationship. Remember never to make any negative comment about anything in the relationship, because that would invite more stress. Be yourself, but in a more humble and subtle manner and try to make your man see your true personality and admire it as well, the way he had admired what you had shown him.

So, forget all those fake make-ups, eat exactly what you want to and wear what your heart tells you. If your man does not accept you, then he was never meant for you. If he sticks to you, no  matter what the differences are and how much the heat of tension is, then he deserves you. Be faithful to him.

Biological reasons of why we fall in love

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Falling in love has reasons that extend much beyond some intrinsic feeling of the heart. It has more to do with science and biology. There might well be many sayings about love being a proprietorship of the heart, but it is not so! It has its roots in some hormonal duct and gland located somewhere in our brains. Males and females, both release these hormones, but only the quantum differs and it is all because of this difference, that the attitude of men and women towards a relationship differs. Here, I list down some of the reasons why people fall in love.

1. After puberty, the male and female bodies start preparing themselves for the responsibility towards bearing the next generation. This induces hormonal changes in the body, that cause physical changes.

2. Apart from the physical ones, there are changes in how we think about our opposite sex also! Boys can no more be just friends to girls and vise versa. This is the root cause of why we fall in love. We start scanning people, who we think can match our expectations for signals. And when we start picking up these signals, our brain tells us that we are in love.

3. When we attain puberty, it suddenly seems that we have been let out of all restrictions and ties, and are free to choose amongst people for being our future life partners. But love counts for much more! It has to be a beautiful compatibility in every sense! Everything else is just infatuation, or a trial phase, where we experiment with who suits us the best.

4. The rule of opposites attract, implies here. However strongly you advocate that you need a person who is just like you, subconsciously, we all need a person who is just the opposite in characteristics to us. Fair people like darker ones, the naughty ones need calm partners and the wise ones need somebody less mature!

5. It is a natural tendency of individuals of every species to choose partners in such a manner, that the offspring be more complete and better competent to deal with the world. That is the reason why we fall in love with people of opposite characteristics. We feel certain that the children we bear, will have healthy characteristics of both the parents.

6. It is a truth that even after we fall in love, we tend to keep looking for better people. The society holds this a stigma in majority of the nations, but it is absolutely natural to fall in love more than once in life. That is because you might have found someone, who we think might be better suitable to us. So if you have started feeling worn out with your present relationship and break-up is the only solution, don’t feel guilty and frustrated about it! everyone has the right to look for a better partner.

Do you feel that girl will take your lover away?

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This is a familiar feeling which people in love often feel for each other. Some even start believing that the partner is cheating. I would name it a complex, a love inferiority complex. When we are in love, we tend to forget the world, completely forget it. And then all of a sudden, one day, we start doubting our relationship. I have gone through an exactly the same feeling and hence, I am sharing it. We tend to get more conscious about our beauty and try to flatter our partner in some way or the other. This applies for both the girl and the guy!

And believe me, it is not wrong to feel like that until a certain point! But after that, it becomes more of a bondage. When you start feeling jealous of any other beautiful girl, and your eyeball stick to your boy’s, when he is surrounded by girls, you are falling prey to this complex! We all want to look good and be good in front of the person we love, but when this want develops into a feeling that my man must look at my beauty and praise me, no one else, you are inviting potential destruction in your relationship. Trust is an important factor in any relationship, more so, when your are in a budding love relation! Don’t let doubt creep in between your relationship.

Many people, inclusive of men and women, tend to expect their partners to explain each and every action. I never understand why it is so? There is a saying, ‘never explain, the person who loves you will not need it and the person who does not love you, will not believe your explanation’. Then why do we expect explanation from the person we love most? Think about it.

Being vigilant is good. We all should be and somehow it consoles us that our relationship is not in danger. But nagging is  something that is not welcome. Never display your love in the way of excessive possessiveness. It is actually a display of your inferiority feeling! Be confident of yourself, your partner and most importantly, trust your love! Rest, let things take care of themselves!

How do I know if I am in love

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Almost all of us claim to have fallen in love at some point of time or the other. And we go all topsy-turvy, explaining how it all went. For many, this love relationship might have been strong enough to fructify into a life-long knot, for others it might have just been a beautiful, but short journey. Believe me, true love fights its way to a successful harmony for life. What then was the feeling which just faded away with time?

Many of you would debate, saying that it could just not be taken further due to family disturbances and social pressures. Bullshit! Remember, there are people who have given up everything to save their love. We tend to part off from our partners, when we ourselves, in some corner of our heart, believe that our partner is just somehow not the one!

Why did we love them at the first place at all? The explanation is this – There is an almost indistinct line between liking dearly and loving. I like to be in his company, I just feel comfortable with him, time does not have its count when we are together, we can share dreams, I am just used to him and we are just the most wonderful people together! Are you familiar with these feelings? Well the, you have got a great friend for yourself. But don’t mistake your feelings to be those tender butterflies of love! Many of us are just in hurry to fall in love and we pick up the wrong signals. And if you take these signals too seriously, mind it, you are inviting disaster for lifetime! Such relationships break down under the pressures of life!

The signs of love are somewhat different. ‘I feel responsible to him, I can’t see him worried, we fight hundreds of times, but end up hugging each other, I don’t understand, i can’t remember his faults, I give a fuck to everyone, as long as he is with me, I don’t need anyone else, I am afraid I do something that hurts him, Oh! I just love him!’ Are these the things that you have felt? Well then yes, you are definitely in love! Don’t let this guy walk out! Catch hold of him, get married and have children! This is your man!

 

 

That’s what love is

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Loving is possibly the most beautiful human emotion. But along with being the most beautiful, it as also the most complicated one and the most delicate of all other relationships. When two people feel they are compatible to each other, and that there is no one else who can take that special place in the heart, there also remains the concealed fear of losing that person. Most complications in love relationships have their roots in this fear, although there are other factors that play their roles, like family interference, social obligations and professional hindrances. Opinions are bound to differ sometimes and situations can worsen if they are not handled with conscious maturity. But that is how love is, and that is the reason it is so special! In this section,I talk about the various problems lovers can face, please don’t confuse it with couples! Hope you find my reasons and explanations somewhat resembling torments in your love relationship!

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When I think about how I see relationships, I find out that they are practically undefinable. There are many people, bonding to us in various ways, called by various nicknames and remembered in ways that might seem to be funny to a rational mind. Well, that is exactly what relationships are – the most rational irrationalities that human brain can think of and the human heart can shelter. At birth, we do not possess anything more than a loving mother and a doting father. As we grow up, we keep collecting and picking up people on our path, who, we feel have something to do with us, some connection, some sort of wavelength matching. walking further, we carry some of these picklings and abandon some others. Whatever it be, we continue to love, hate and in some cases, feel nothing about some of these people. That is how relationships are! There are bowls of sugar somewhere, lemon juice somewhere else and hot chillies elsewhere. The challenge is in how we adapt ourselves to all these tastes and move ahead in life.

I have commenced this blog, for I feel, we all need to identify ourselves with situations others like us face, exchange our views with them and learn for them. I wish to do the same, tell you what I think, feel and do. I want to know what you think, feel and do. After all, relationships are more of listening rather than talking and I am sure, we all do the later one more! Let’s learn how to listen and understand.