affair

Yes, I have not moved on!

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No I have not, I am stuck there

Like my soul has been trapped in his treasure casket.

It has tried to swim, swim out of his fragrance

But it has failed.

And all I do now is do, and undo

I delete, I undo….

I block, I unblock….

I trash, I untrash….

I erase, I write back….

I pretend, I smile, I show some teeth, hide my tears and shed them when I am alone

It’s crazy, its frantic. And I know he ain’t know.

‘Coz he seems happy in his world…

His family….the family he disdained so much…

All of a sudden he has grown so fond! There’s so much love all around

And so much of empty around me!

But why do I think all that??

I had resolved not to think! promised myself I would try and forget

I just cant

And it pricks me like thousands of needles all at once,

Like thousands of screams tearing my ears apart,

Like thousands of waves destroying my faith each day.

And it hurts….It hurts so very much.

I am breaking each moment, I am growing weak

Its undefined….its unexplained…its unidentified

But its real.

My head spins round,

my heart loses its trail…

My eyes grow puffier by every bat

My insides feel so frail!

And I don’t know if he knows.

I don’t know if he feels.

All I know, it was the best dream I ever had…

And the sweetest mare that reveals

I don’t want it to repeat, Yet I want it so much.

I have grown fond of the proximal distance

As much I love the distant proximity

I have grown fond of the anxiety, the eggshells,

I have started loving the craziness and the adventure

Peace is a long lost friend….

I have started loving my demons

And the voices that play havoc within

I like to stay lost in the poison

Stay smothered in the vicious sin

I keep remembering….keep crying…

Keep hurting my soul on and on

I keep mumbling…And keep refusing

Guess I have not yet moved on.

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A common problem in love – Passive agressiveness

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Long time I did not write anything substantial for my blog. Well, today I decided to make up for it. Since quite sometime I have been neutral in my writings, focusing neither on the great nor the solitary side of love. Today however, I wish to write about something that many of us might take years to realize, and some would never realize it at all – Passive aggressiveness!

Passive aggressiveness, as the name suggests, is condition when one partner shows his aggressiveness by staying passive. In other words, it can be described briefly as silence treatment. Couples in love, generally mistake signs of passive aggressiveness to be a part of the sour moments of an affair…. But it is not so! A passive aggressive partner would make you completely believe in him and then start torturing you to your core. The torture is often a confusing affair and it is your confusion that would keep you  bound to him despite the torments that you have to go through. Here-under  we glance at what the symptoms of passive aggressiveness could be. Read the rest of this entry »

This Valentine, question yourself!

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Valentine’s day, and I felt I should stick something interesting and value adding on my blog wall! I am not much of a romantic myself, and as most of my readers must be knowing, I am still single! LOL! :D(I am maintaining a blog on relationships and focusing on love relationships). Well, I don’t exactly feel less confident about getting into a relationship! I just have too many criterion points to be cleared, before someone can completely take my heart away from me! I love my heart and believe that it’s singular status induces the necessity to place it in safe hands. I cannot bear it to be broken and degenerated! Staying single would be a more viable option than to get along with someone who thinks your heart to be a petty thing to play with! Here, I would love to let my readers know what my rules and questions are and get genuine feedback of whether I think right or crap!

 

 

  • Does my partner always want to fondle me? – A very important question, which many of us tend to overlook, basically because we are toe over head in love! There is absolutely no questioning about the fact that a brush of skin, a hug and an occasional french kiss are absolutely unavoidable when you are sitting beside the most adored person in your life! But getting hooked on every time you meet up, is like fussing for a chocolate every time you go to a confectionery! It is addiction more than love! Stay away.

 

  • Do I really feel interested in what he talks? – Many of my female readers would agree to this. Having a relationship  means sharing interests and friendship above all. These are the two things that can bind people for life. If he bores you with his talk(which might seem interesting to him), think twice over your relationship. Do you have the capacity to develop interest in your partner’s interest?
  • Do we trust each other completely? – Trust does not leave room for questions and if there are questions, the feeling that you trust is nothing more than your hypocrisy! Make yourself clear with this emotion. Love does not allow you to feel doubtful and obsessive about your partner! It allows a lot of space, trust and belief.

Read the rest of this entry »

Tips from a girl on how to become the perfect man in a girl’s life

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Girls love to peep at guys! Just be worth it!
Girls love to peep at guys! Just be worth it!

I recently came across a post, wherein, the author had penned down about what the expectations of a man are from his girlfriend, to make her look proper and perfect to him. When I went through it, this idea of writing about ‘what women want in their men’, came to me. I have written a related thing earlier too, mentioning what women want in a relationship. Well, I must say, both these are way different. Let’s take a look at what according to me, do women want from their boyfriends and husbands, so that they can be considered perfect!

Click here for a video about what women want men to be like. But ladies, beware! Here, it is a guy speaking about a girl’s expectations!

Here’s my list of the do’s and don’ts for guys to keep a perfect picture of their own selves in front of their girls.

Do keep yourself well dressed – decent enough, for other females to catch an eye of you with your girlfriend and say, ‘wow! lucky girl! Wish that guy could be mine!’ . Yes, that’s true! Girls tend to enjoy envy. We love it when other girls see us walking the streets with our men and just keep staring! ‘BUT‘, you are not allowed to give a damn to all those girls staring at you! 

Do listen to her carefully even when you think she is spitting off the worst of crap, or when you think you could have better things to do! Ideally, you should not feel any of the above 2, if you are genuinely interested in your girl. But for girls, listening and submitting, atleast in public, means respect. In private, i don’t think you would have much of an option left! 😉

Do show responsibility and take the lead, yet being chivalrous! I know this is difficult to do! I shall site an example. When  I go out with my boyfriend for a date, I would expect him to ask me where I want to go. Ritualistically, I would be polite enough to choose 4-5 places and then ask him to take me where he feels best. It is then his responsibility to decide. Had he not asked me first, even though finally he was the one to choose from, I would have felt insulted! Complicated, isn’t it? But that is exactly how girls are! This was just a small example. It applies to larger things in life – family, finances, home, career decisions; everything included!

Do make it a point to tell everything to your girl! Be transparent, no secrets please! Remember, we like to hear the stories of our men as much as we want ours’ to be heard! Everything, just everything, that you feel will help walk that short distance between hearts, is to be told! Too much of a feminine statement to make, but that is it!

Make her feel proud of you!
Make her feel proud of you!

Don’t be extra sensitive! You might have heard many times, the funda of women wanting men to be sensitive! Yes, we love sensitive men, men who have the sense to understand how sensitive we are, not more than that. We cry, we expect our men to understand why we are crying, listen to us and pacify us! We don’t want guys to cry louder because they cannot bear us crying! Don’t flinch at petty things! Ultimately, your girl knows you are a man and wants you to behave like one!

Don’t nag at your girl and try to surround her all the while. We women love freedom as much as you men do! So please allow that small breathing space! Nagging and surrounding are things that even we have given up to a great extent! Please don’t pick up that forbidden habit from us!

Don’t shirk your career responsibilities in the process of giving time to your girl-friends! No, we don’t like it. What we hate, is a workaholic freak, freaking around with work related excuses whenever an important date goes missing from mind. But women love men who love their work, are ambitious about their goals and are dead serious about achieving them. Such an attitude, gives women a sense of personal and social security.

Don’t underestimate the importance of surprises. I have heard many males comment, ‘Honey, I came back early from my trip! Is that not a surprise by itself?’ Well, the answer is, ‘No, it is not a surprise at all! You were supposed to come back and get something that would just make me jump at you and hug you!’. Don’t dare ignore the importance of surprises in the life of a girl! Big, small does not matter! We have been brought up with fairy tales and always expect fantastic things happening surprisingly in our lives!

I conclude with this image, I dug out from somewhere! 🙂

The perfect man
The perfect man

Keep your lady happy – 10 things women want unasked in a relationship

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What women need in a relationship
What women need in a relationship

Many men have a tough time handling their girlfriends and wives. Ridiculous, isn’t it? I mean I won’t say we are the easiest creatures to tackle  but yes, we are simple enough to understand, if our men have the potential to pick up our signals and signs. Infact, some rare moments are such when we are frustrated enough to shout out our expectations. 😀 Sorry state! – These loud voices are taken to be quarrels and we suddenly become notorious for being extremely demanding towards our boyfriends  and men! I list down here, 10 common things that all women require their men to do in a relationship. Follow them, and I am sure you will find a sea difference in her attitude. Read the rest of this entry »

Love, possessiveness and obsessiveness – How are the three different

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Weekend over, the start of a new one! Hope you all must have had a great time with your family and loved ones! At last, that special time with the ones you love, matters the most! For me, yes, I too enjoyed a lot and hence didn’t post anything for you people to read. Today I plan to write about this topic, concerning love, a feeling of possession in it and a not so welcome obsession about the person we love. It is a debatable one, hence I expect quite a few fiery comments shot at me! I will be thankful if I get that! 🙂

Love, in itself, is a pure feeling, pious and lovely; something that asks us to think about a person, smile at his remembrances, want to hold him when he needs, wish for the best that could happen to him in his life and trust him on the fact that he will be honest to us as we are to him. That’s all! Not an ounce more, nor an ounce less. It is the dream of spending life together, not because we need each other, but because we love each other and hence would like to travel the long path of life together.

One magic hint that would tell you that you are in true love is, you will think of your partner all the time, without craving like life to be physically present with him. I mean, it would be absolutely perfect if he is not around because he had something more important to attend to – Possibly a job trip or meeting a long lost friend or just out shopping for himself. You will be happy for him because whatever he is doing at the moment, is making him happy. You won’t ask him why these things are more important, and why you are not the most important part of his life! That is what true love is! But given the human nature, falling in this kind of love is actually very very difficult. There is always a tinge of possessiveness attached naturally and that is because you don’t want the person you love, to leave you. So it is absolutely fair to feel a bit insecure about your relationship.

I am sorry for using the masculine gender for the third person, but I simply cannot help, because I am a female! So forgive me if you feel I am being biased! But men, you could replace the ‘him’ with a ‘her’ at all places to relate this with yourself! Anyways, whatever sex you belong to, the feeling of being in love is uniform throughout ages, countries, races and sex! So you mandatorily need to feel these things, if you don’t do so, you either have something less than love or something more than love.

Possessiveness is the second aspect which many people confuse with love. ‘You are mine; no matter whomever you talk to, you will always give me the foremost attentive span. You belong to me and so does your life; I have the right to think for you on your behalf; I have the right to dominate your actions to a certain extent; I know what is right for our relationship and will decide on things; why do you need to watch a movie till late night with your friends?; I don’t want you to talk to this person, so you will not; you are hurting me in doing this!; I will leave you if you repeat this mistake!’ – All these are signals of a possessive relationship. More than often, every relationship has a natural ingredient of possessiveness in it, even parent feel possessive of their children! That’s is not wrong! but being too possessive, denies your partner enough breathing space! It is well, very good for your relationship, if he is completely submissive about things and does exactly what a possessive ‘you’ wants him to. but otherwise, there are chances your relationship will suffer in the long run. become extremely possessive and your partner will take it to be lack of trust and he is right in thinking so! Had you trusted, you would not have nagged him!

Possessiveness and love go hand in hand and often they cannot be distinguished. The core hint that could help you differentiate between the two is: Ask yourself whether you like doing what your partner is asking you not to do, thinking that it would be bad for you? If yes, then your partner is caring. Now think remotely, is thing thing actually going to harm you in the long term? If no, then your partner is possessive and does not want you to do that thing just because he thinks it is not right for you. He never asked you what you think. Draw you boundaries and be vocal in telling that you don’t like such kinds of interference, otherwise you would never know when this possession feeling would grow into obsession!

Obsessiveness is the most hateful condition, a relationship can be in. You get entirely swallowed up by the whims and fancies of a nagging partner and don’t have space for yourself. The prime motive of an obsessive partner is to distance you from your friends and own you completely, so much so, that your life is no more your’s. It is the pain that he feels without you being physically and mentally present for him that would drive him to separate you from all other relationships! Generally an obsessive partner would threaten you of dying if you left him or spoke to somebody else. He would keep a continuous watch on you, call you every 2 mins, message you and expect an immediate reply as though you had nothing more important to do and try to bind you with all sorts of privileges. Initially, it is very difficult to differentiate between a loving partner and an obsessive partner. the privileges, messages, phone calls and gifts are taken to be a form of care, and of course, any one would do it

The truth starts facing up when you tell him that you are sitting with a friend and spending a good time with him! He would immediately start calling, messaging, try to talk to you, in a nutshell, try to grab your attention, until your friend gets frustrated and leaves! Then, when you ask why he did this, he would justify saying that he loves you and so, has the right to talk to you at whatever time he wants! He would expect you to give him the prime focus even when you might have other important hings to do. And if, at times he allows you to have a good time with your friends and family, he would make it a point to later on remind you about his bigheartedness in doing so!

Such kinds of nagging relationships often become a burden you must have to carry because there is no way you can drop them. Threats of suicide, information that the partner is suffering severely because you are not paying attention and a cry for focus would never allow you to free yourself from this kind of relation until you are strong enough to fight your way out! But for a better future, it is imperative that you drop such a relation. And mind it, if you are trying to support and change an obsessive partner, that is not possible! Obsession can never be rectified.

Hope you find out what kind of relationship you are in right now after you have read this!

15 things you should never do in a relationship

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Guys, the last few write-ups that I have posted have been solely about love. This one also addresses a love relationship. However, today we delve a bit deeper, when all petty hindrances have been overcome and two souls have been merged into one for a lifetime. If you believe that this kind of relationship is stronger and would sustain all odds, well, stronger it is, but along with strength, it also displays a lot of delicacy. One small mistake, and trust can be shattered to bits and pieces. As such, there are a few things you must not do when you are in this stage of a love relationship. Read, enjoy, share and implement these steps and you will have a fabulous love life!

The list of DON’Ts is as follows:

  • Have a nagging attitude. Asking, questioning and being inquisitive are way separate gestures from nagging. The later irritates a person to hell, and you would never even know when differences creep in because of this.
  • Lose your faith in your partner. Trust and belief bring in a lot of positive difference in your relationship. Giving way to doubt is like inviting a lot of negativity and feuds.
  • Keep secrets. Forget fidgeting with words and events. Never hide anything. Always remember, however bad the matter be, your partner will always like to hear it first from you.
  • Show that you are busy. Time is probably the most important gift you can give to your lover. Part with it as generously as you can because the more time you spend with each other, the sweeter your relationship will become.
  • Ignore small conflicts and clashes. Many people have this habit. Understand that quarreling without reason is just a way of attracting attention. So if your lover just flares up one day over nothing, sit with him and try to soothe him out. He just wants to be noticed more!
  • Shy away from discussing. Just like your partner can quarrel and express anger, so do you. Never stay calm when you want to get mad with him. Let him know that you are upset even if he thinks it is illogical. This will clear you of the feeling that may be things would be better, had you been more expressive.
  • Hold back your love. Express it abundantly and happily. Hug, kiss, cuddle and smooch as much you want to. This only shows how much you adore him. Concealed love is as good as no love at all!
  • Give in to sexual relations if you don’t want it. Guys are generally more physical in showing their love. But giving way to the whims and fancies of a nagging partner is never wise. However deep your love be, please voice out your part of wants and conditions as well. It is not a crime to say no to sex if you are not much willing to have it. Listen to your heart, but don’t give way to lusts.
  • Comment offensively in the worst of tussles. Women have this bad habit of using offensive statements when quarrels are at their heights. Ladies, stay away from this habit. No matter how forgiving and forgetful your partner be, some things are tough to forget, especially when they are bad. Keep the number of these things as low from your side as possible. Men also need to take care of this point!
  • Insult in public even in the lightest moods. Reserve your part of views and leg pulling to be done in private. Every person expects to be supported at least by the person whom he loves in public. Give him that support. Insulting in public is sometimes worse that whacking in private!
  • Be very straightforward and blunt. It is good to be transparent and honest. But being blunt and bitter is way different from being transparent. Bluntness and excessive straightforwardness are taken to be cold gestures. Don’t resort to such attitude unless you are extremely angry about something and want and immediate apology. Being calmly expressive can make things clearer in a better way.
  • React immediately when something goes wrong. We all feel dejected at times and we all have the right to get mad at the person we love most. But reacting immediately can cause potential harm. Give sometime to yourself, let things settle down and then discuss them out in an elaborate fashion.
  • Show that you are pleased when you are not. He will definitely like it if you agree to him. But in a love relationship, things have to be equal. Both the partners are equally rightful of their own choices. Don’t show that you are liking something when you are not. It will create a wrong impression about your personality.
  • Listen to stories about others’ lovers. Keep your love story distinct from other, please. What has happened to them might just not happen to you and your relationship. Listening to stories increases the crap in your brain.
  • Trust your own beliefs. I have heard many people say that they felt their partners were just not being transparent enough. Well, we feel a lot of things, but believing in all those feelings would just mess up our lives! Don’t do it! Sit and talk to your partner. Ask explanations out of him. If he does not explain, get mad at him! But don’t trust your gut feeling blindly. Believe me, more than often, it is wrong.