No I have not, I am stuck there
Like my soul has been trapped in his treasure casket.
It has tried to swim, swim out of his fragrance
But it has failed.
And all I do now is do, and undo
I delete, I undo….
I block, I unblock….
I trash, I untrash….
I erase, I write back….
I pretend, I smile, I show some teeth, hide my tears and shed them when I am alone
It’s crazy, its frantic. And I know he ain’t know.
‘Coz he seems happy in his world…
His family….the family he disdained so much…
All of a sudden he has grown so fond! There’s so much love all around
And so much of empty around me!
But why do I think all that??
I had resolved not to think! promised myself I would try and forget
I just cant
And it pricks me like thousands of needles all at once,
Like thousands of screams tearing my ears apart,
Like thousands of waves destroying my faith each day.
And it hurts….It hurts so very much.
I am breaking each moment, I am growing weak
Its undefined….its unexplained…its unidentified
But its real.
My head spins round,
my heart loses its trail…
My eyes grow puffier by every bat
My insides feel so frail!
And I don’t know if he knows.
I don’t know if he feels.
All I know, it was the best dream I ever had…
And the sweetest mare that reveals
I don’t want it to repeat, Yet I want it so much.
I have grown fond of the proximal distance
As much I love the distant proximity
I have grown fond of the anxiety, the eggshells,
I have started loving the craziness and the adventure
Peace is a long lost friend….
I have started loving my demons
And the voices that play havoc within
I like to stay lost in the poison
Stay smothered in the vicious sin
I keep remembering….keep crying…
Keep hurting my soul on and on
I keep mumbling…And keep refusing
Guess I have not yet moved on.
I was going through the analytic of my blog when I came across this search term. Some tormented soul must have tried digging out for that rope end so that her bondage from a narc is broken off. In the process, she landed up on my blog. Well, whoever it is mate, I guess you must have had a gala time of storms and ups-downs with your Narc. And I dedicate today’s post to you.
Breaking up with a Narcissist is an extremely difficult, emotionally taxing and soul killing process. Trying to bring changes in the nature of a Narcissist if futile. It is like banging your head against a wall until you bleed to death. Breaking up and leaving is often the last thing, any person attached with a Narc would do. During the course of relationship with a narcissist, the victim falls prey to Stockholm Syndrome. And codependents being easy targets to Narcissists, the cycles of resurrection and dooming never ends. the victim almost always goes back to the Narcissist partner, trying to be compassionate and understanding, hoping that things will change…… But they never do! Read the rest of this entry »