The deadly charm in those eyes could get better of you. At least it drove her insane….once more, like it had when she first met him! And then like hidden fangs, it instilled pain of such a degree that she got numb to the very realization of what torment is. Behind those eyes were oceans of emptiness, veiled under fragrant love. But she was under the spell, the charm and her senses could not pierce through the rose bed. And even after drowning and choking in the cold emptiness, today, she again basks under the fervent rays of intense romantic hallucinations…. of being his damsel…his better-half…of marriage….a small home at a small corner of her small world…of kids…of growing old with him. Today, she is yet again laid down on a bed of roses and he knows when to just push her down.
And then the removal of flowers begins. One by one he pulls out the satin flowers from under her back, while still looking into her eyes, while still kissing her heart…so that the charm remains…. And as every bud slides from under her, she feels the rusty thrash of dried thorns. It itches a bit, burns a bit more…. But those eyes….they seem to take away each scar with a loving smoothness. Realization is an expensive affair you know? It costs a lot…but she has lost all that wealth to him. She smiles on as tears and blood trickle down her soul.
But then it dawns…slowly, steadily but clearly. Those arrogant fights, those reflective moments, the sessions of identity stampeding, the monstrous screams, the sullen quietness, the holding back of love…..it all dawns upon her. And memories flood back. How things went dark in the same dark trail the last instance! How the kisses changed into hungry bites….how the soothing looks had changed into scorns…how the passionate smile was redefined into mocks…how the sweet protectiveness exchanged itself with doubts…how the white grayed into black…
But now it’s too late. The lump in the throat is worsening, the hold is tightening, the dreams are shattering, that small home is far fetched, those kids die off in thin air…the bed cracks under the weight of misery and torture. And she falls. She falls again into the unfathomed depths of silence….an eternity of darkness..The shrieks of a broken heart echo loud into her ears. And it deafens her. The brightness of that uncovered truth pinches her eyes. And she turns blind. She tries to speak so much…that now she has turned mute. And her destiny knows, she would cocoon in the envelope of darkness….till he morphs back into the same ‘King of Love’ and decides to set her free, just to encage her again…
And it goes on…….
I was going through the analytic of my blog when I came across this search term. Some tormented soul must have tried digging out for that rope end so that her bondage from a narc is broken off. In the process, she landed up on my blog. Well, whoever it is mate, I guess you must have had a gala time of storms and ups-downs with your Narc. And I dedicate today’s post to you.
Breaking up with a Narcissist is an extremely difficult, emotionally taxing and soul killing process. Trying to bring changes in the nature of a Narcissist if futile. It is like banging your head against a wall until you bleed to death. Breaking up and leaving is often the last thing, any person attached with a Narc would do. During the course of relationship with a narcissist, the victim falls prey to Stockholm Syndrome. And codependents being easy targets to Narcissists, the cycles of resurrection and dooming never ends. the victim almost always goes back to the Narcissist partner, trying to be compassionate and understanding, hoping that things will change…… But they never do! Read the rest of this entry »