First of all, apologizing for the extreme delay in adding a new post to my treasure. I know I have not done justice with many of my readers! But then, I am back to make you think something more about your relationships. Today, I chose to write about psychopaths!
Many-a-times, you might have felt that the person you are living with, has never shown his real self to you! Sometimes, a lot of care, and at other times, such a lot of immaturity! We all think these are parts and parcels of relationships! May be, not always. Research says that more than 60% of the world population, falls under some kind of psychological extremity or the other. My husband might be feeling I am one! 😉 Jokes apart, psychopathic relationships are possibly the most pitiable ones to support throughout one’s life.
Valentine’s day, and I felt I should stick something interesting and value adding on my blog wall! I am not much of a romantic myself, and as most of my readers must be knowing, I am still single! LOL! :D(I am maintaining a blog on relationships and focusing on love relationships). Well, I don’t exactly feel less confident about getting into a relationship! I just have too many criterion points to be cleared, before someone can completely take my heart away from me! I love my heart and believe that it’s singular status induces the necessity to place it in safe hands. I cannot bear it to be broken and degenerated! Staying single would be a more viable option than to get along with someone who thinks your heart to be a petty thing to play with! Here, I would love to let my readers know what my rules and questions are and get genuine feedback of whether I think right or crap!
- Does my partner always want to fondle me? – A very important question, which many of us tend to overlook, basically because we are toe over head in love! There is absolutely no questioning about the fact that a brush of skin, a hug and an occasional french kiss are absolutely unavoidable when you are sitting beside the most adored person in your life! But getting hooked on every time you meet up, is like fussing for a chocolate every time you go to a confectionery! It is addiction more than love! Stay away.
- Do I really feel interested in what he talks? – Many of my female readers would agree to this. Having a relationship means sharing interests and friendship above all. These are the two things that can bind people for life. If he bores you with his talk(which might seem interesting to him), think twice over your relationship. Do you have the capacity to develop interest in your partner’s interest?
- Do we trust each other completely? – Trust does not leave room for questions and if there are questions, the feeling that you trust is nothing more than your hypocrisy! Make yourself clear with this emotion. Love does not allow you to feel doubtful and obsessive about your partner! It allows a lot of space, trust and belief.
I recently have been reading a lot about male psychology! It surprises me, how we women tend to misunderstand them easily. Men, by heart, are weaker and introvert creatures. You will never get to know what is going on in their little brains unless you are really close and they think you to be trust-worthy. Men have been easy victims of criticism for being more sex-oriented and less emotional since long. Break-ups, and you will find girls accusing their men for having ditched them, divorces and you will find wives cribbing infront of friends and relatives and quarrels mean the neighbors would come ti know exactly what happened? But is it true that men actually are at fault every single time, and when their ladies sit cribbing and cursing at the top of their voices, they do not have anything to say? I share with you in this write-up, my experiences about men, love and sex…
- Hormones in play – Both the male and female minds are dominated by hormonal balances. After puberty, the male body releases hormones that are way different from female hormones, that is why, the difference in behavior. the main male hormone, testosterone is responsible for sex drive in men. It’s true that men value sex more than women do, but does not mean they love any less. In fact, it has been an observation that getting physical is a prime way of showing love for men! Females, on the other hand, release lots of estrogen. This hormone is responsible for the touchy, feely love thing in women. Estrogen invokes a sense of possession and acceptance. That is the reason women are more of accepting and soft creatures. In men, there are stages, when the estrogen level in the body increases slightly. It is then, that you will feel your man thinking more like you! But when he does not, don’t simply blame him for being less sensitive! He has possibly more of that than you have!
- Love, according to men – I have heard many women crib that their husbands are not loving. Well, that is not the case! They love, but then they don’t show. The male brain matures slower, compared to that of a woman. They tend to catch signals a bit late. Men would expect you to speak your minds in a clearer manner. They are curious about what their girls want out of them, and this feeling genuinely evolves out of the craving to love and be loved. Secondly, men feel more insecure than women do. They might not question and nag, but in their heart of hearts, there is always a fear of losing. You might have experienced your man trying to keep a track of your actions and movements. There is nothing negative about it! They do it because they don’t want to lose. Love, for men, is security, bonding and shelter. The moment you take away anything of these three, they will go upside down wanting to know, why!
- Why are men feeble at expressing their love – Unless and until you are very close to your partner, and know exactly what his actions mean, it could be rather difficult to judge him. This is because of the hormone Vasopressin. In men, this hormone stops them from sharing their personal lives with their friends and social circles. As a result, they tend to discuss less of their wives and love lives. The case is opposite in women. As a woman, I would expect my husband to talk a lot about me, but his instincts would not allow him. Consequently, I will feel unnoticed and neglected. As an evolutionary trait, men do not like to flaunt their mates in the fear of losing them. It is the other way round for women. Women love to flaunt their husbands. This gives them a feeling of superiority.
- Why are men more hooked on to sex? – Men love sex, more than women do. Ask them any time, and they would be ready. However, as they age, testosterone in their bodies gets reduced, leading to lesser libido. Ridiculously, women seem to have problem with that also! If a man says no, when his wife has just the right moods, he is accused of having lost interest and love. Well, ladies, again, it is his hormones that decide for him. When men go physical with their mates, their bodies release oxytocin, more than a woman’s body does. Oxytocin is the main hormone that is responsible for the feeling of belongingness an love in humans. So, when a man sleeps with a woman, he tends to feel sheltered and safe. there is a soft feel about it. That is the reason men are more insistent on sexual relationships.
- How do break-ups affect men – It is a widespread belief that one out of a relationship, men quickly find new mates. Well, that is not the case. Men are more of egoist people. they don’t like to show that they need you. To hide that feeling off, they start giving fake signals. But subconsciously, men face worse consequences than women after break-ups. Women speak out their hearts, men cannot! They tend to have worse bodily effects and health issues. They feel unsheltered and lost, just like a child would feel after loosing their mothers.
Love, for men is a separate definition as compared to women. They think differently about it, but that does not mean they don’t love and are hooked up with you just for sex! A man might love his woman more than the woman can imagine!
Weekend over, the start of a new one! Hope you all must have had a great time with your family and loved ones! At last, that special time with the ones you love, matters the most! For me, yes, I too enjoyed a lot and hence didn’t post anything for you people to read. Today I plan to write about this topic, concerning love, a feeling of possession in it and a not so welcome obsession about the person we love. It is a debatable one, hence I expect quite a few fiery comments shot at me! I will be thankful if I get that! 🙂
Love, in itself, is a pure feeling, pious and lovely; something that asks us to think about a person, smile at his remembrances, want to hold him when he needs, wish for the best that could happen to him in his life and trust him on the fact that he will be honest to us as we are to him. That’s all! Not an ounce more, nor an ounce less. It is the dream of spending life together, not because we need each other, but because we love each other and hence would like to travel the long path of life together.
One magic hint that would tell you that you are in true love is, you will think of your partner all the time, without craving like life to be physically present with him. I mean, it would be absolutely perfect if he is not around because he had something more important to attend to – Possibly a job trip or meeting a long lost friend or just out shopping for himself. You will be happy for him because whatever he is doing at the moment, is making him happy. You won’t ask him why these things are more important, and why you are not the most important part of his life! That is what true love is! But given the human nature, falling in this kind of love is actually very very difficult. There is always a tinge of possessiveness attached naturally and that is because you don’t want the person you love, to leave you. So it is absolutely fair to feel a bit insecure about your relationship.
I am sorry for using the masculine gender for the third person, but I simply cannot help, because I am a female! So forgive me if you feel I am being biased! But men, you could replace the ‘him’ with a ‘her’ at all places to relate this with yourself! Anyways, whatever sex you belong to, the feeling of being in love is uniform throughout ages, countries, races and sex! So you mandatorily need to feel these things, if you don’t do so, you either have something less than love or something more than love.
Possessiveness is the second aspect which many people confuse with love. ‘You are mine; no matter whomever you talk to, you will always give me the foremost attentive span. You belong to me and so does your life; I have the right to think for you on your behalf; I have the right to dominate your actions to a certain extent; I know what is right for our relationship and will decide on things; why do you need to watch a movie till late night with your friends?; I don’t want you to talk to this person, so you will not; you are hurting me in doing this!; I will leave you if you repeat this mistake!’ – All these are signals of a possessive relationship. More than often, every relationship has a natural ingredient of possessiveness in it, even parent feel possessive of their children! That’s is not wrong! but being too possessive, denies your partner enough breathing space! It is well, very good for your relationship, if he is completely submissive about things and does exactly what a possessive ‘you’ wants him to. but otherwise, there are chances your relationship will suffer in the long run. become extremely possessive and your partner will take it to be lack of trust and he is right in thinking so! Had you trusted, you would not have nagged him!
Possessiveness and love go hand in hand and often they cannot be distinguished. The core hint that could help you differentiate between the two is: Ask yourself whether you like doing what your partner is asking you not to do, thinking that it would be bad for you? If yes, then your partner is caring. Now think remotely, is thing thing actually going to harm you in the long term? If no, then your partner is possessive and does not want you to do that thing just because he thinks it is not right for you. He never asked you what you think. Draw you boundaries and be vocal in telling that you don’t like such kinds of interference, otherwise you would never know when this possession feeling would grow into obsession!
Obsessiveness is the most hateful condition, a relationship can be in. You get entirely swallowed up by the whims and fancies of a nagging partner and don’t have space for yourself. The prime motive of an obsessive partner is to distance you from your friends and own you completely, so much so, that your life is no more your’s. It is the pain that he feels without you being physically and mentally present for him that would drive him to separate you from all other relationships! Generally an obsessive partner would threaten you of dying if you left him or spoke to somebody else. He would keep a continuous watch on you, call you every 2 mins, message you and expect an immediate reply as though you had nothing more important to do and try to bind you with all sorts of privileges. Initially, it is very difficult to differentiate between a loving partner and an obsessive partner. the privileges, messages, phone calls and gifts are taken to be a form of care, and of course, any one would do it
The truth starts facing up when you tell him that you are sitting with a friend and spending a good time with him! He would immediately start calling, messaging, try to talk to you, in a nutshell, try to grab your attention, until your friend gets frustrated and leaves! Then, when you ask why he did this, he would justify saying that he loves you and so, has the right to talk to you at whatever time he wants! He would expect you to give him the prime focus even when you might have other important hings to do. And if, at times he allows you to have a good time with your friends and family, he would make it a point to later on remind you about his bigheartedness in doing so!
Such kinds of nagging relationships often become a burden you must have to carry because there is no way you can drop them. Threats of suicide, information that the partner is suffering severely because you are not paying attention and a cry for focus would never allow you to free yourself from this kind of relation until you are strong enough to fight your way out! But for a better future, it is imperative that you drop such a relation. And mind it, if you are trying to support and change an obsessive partner, that is not possible! Obsession can never be rectified.
Hope you find out what kind of relationship you are in right now after you have read this!
Guys, the last few write-ups that I have posted have been solely about love. This one also addresses a love relationship. However, today we delve a bit deeper, when all petty hindrances have been overcome and two souls have been merged into one for a lifetime. If you believe that this kind of relationship is stronger and would sustain all odds, well, stronger it is, but along with strength, it also displays a lot of delicacy. One small mistake, and trust can be shattered to bits and pieces. As such, there are a few things you must not do when you are in this stage of a love relationship. Read, enjoy, share and implement these steps and you will have a fabulous love life!
The list of DON’Ts is as follows:
- Have a nagging attitude. Asking, questioning and being inquisitive are way separate gestures from nagging. The later irritates a person to hell, and you would never even know when differences creep in because of this.
- Lose your faith in your partner. Trust and belief bring in a lot of positive difference in your relationship. Giving way to doubt is like inviting a lot of negativity and feuds.
- Keep secrets. Forget fidgeting with words and events. Never hide anything. Always remember, however bad the matter be, your partner will always like to hear it first from you.
- Show that you are busy. Time is probably the most important gift you can give to your lover. Part with it as generously as you can because the more time you spend with each other, the sweeter your relationship will become.
- Ignore small conflicts and clashes. Many people have this habit. Understand that quarreling without reason is just a way of attracting attention. So if your lover just flares up one day over nothing, sit with him and try to soothe him out. He just wants to be noticed more!
- Shy away from discussing. Just like your partner can quarrel and express anger, so do you. Never stay calm when you want to get mad with him. Let him know that you are upset even if he thinks it is illogical. This will clear you of the feeling that may be things would be better, had you been more expressive.
- Hold back your love. Express it abundantly and happily. Hug, kiss, cuddle and smooch as much you want to. This only shows how much you adore him. Concealed love is as good as no love at all!
- Give in to sexual relations if you don’t want it. Guys are generally more physical in showing their love. But giving way to the whims and fancies of a nagging partner is never wise. However deep your love be, please voice out your part of wants and conditions as well. It is not a crime to say no to sex if you are not much willing to have it. Listen to your heart, but don’t give way to lusts.
- Comment offensively in the worst of tussles. Women have this bad habit of using offensive statements when quarrels are at their heights. Ladies, stay away from this habit. No matter how forgiving and forgetful your partner be, some things are tough to forget, especially when they are bad. Keep the number of these things as low from your side as possible. Men also need to take care of this point!
- Insult in public even in the lightest moods. Reserve your part of views and leg pulling to be done in private. Every person expects to be supported at least by the person whom he loves in public. Give him that support. Insulting in public is sometimes worse that whacking in private!
- Be very straightforward and blunt. It is good to be transparent and honest. But being blunt and bitter is way different from being transparent. Bluntness and excessive straightforwardness are taken to be cold gestures. Don’t resort to such attitude unless you are extremely angry about something and want and immediate apology. Being calmly expressive can make things clearer in a better way.
- React immediately when something goes wrong. We all feel dejected at times and we all have the right to get mad at the person we love most. But reacting immediately can cause potential harm. Give sometime to yourself, let things settle down and then discuss them out in an elaborate fashion.
- Show that you are pleased when you are not. He will definitely like it if you agree to him. But in a love relationship, things have to be equal. Both the partners are equally rightful of their own choices. Don’t show that you are liking something when you are not. It will create a wrong impression about your personality.
- Listen to stories about others’ lovers. Keep your love story distinct from other, please. What has happened to them might just not happen to you and your relationship. Listening to stories increases the crap in your brain.
- Trust your own beliefs. I have heard many people say that they felt their partners were just not being transparent enough. Well, we feel a lot of things, but believing in all those feelings would just mess up our lives! Don’t do it! Sit and talk to your partner. Ask explanations out of him. If he does not explain, get mad at him! But don’t trust your gut feeling blindly. Believe me, more than often, it is wrong.
Fallen in love? Sure? That’s great! So now prepare yourself for a grand roller coaster ride, because the journey won’t be that easy! Many people complain of unneeded stress in a relationship. The more carefree ones are forced to take more care, dressing sense undergoes a tremendous wash up, taste buds get a new treatment, pleasant or unpleasant is not the question right now, visions clash and most importantly, ego has to go fora long stroll so that a relationship remains intact. Once we realize that we have fallen in love, we tend to keep a check on what our partners like, and do exactly the same. Well, this is one of the prime reasons why relationships meet a dead-end after sometime.
We all love certain characteristics in people. So if you have personality ‘A’ and your partner likes personality ‘B’, you could very well shield your true self to show him what he likes, and he will go all rosy about it. He will even flaunt you in front of his friends and keep you extremely high in esteem. but till what point of time? Some day, even you will feel lost, as if you have given your own self off, to the person you love and become something you never intended to! This creates a lot of frustration. This lag period would vary from person to person, depending upon how good an actor he or she is! Well, that is never a great thing to do!
Then you would find things going wrong. Your partner will suddenly be taken aback by a shift in your behavior! And that is not at all his fault! It is because you have never shown your true self to him! Being honest to the core is significant in every relation, even if that honesty is not being liked. Most stress packages are crated in relationships due to this very reason, specifically when it is your first love and in the initial stages of its development.
The only thing you can do is sit with your partner, talk to him and explain why you did whatever you did and what you want to do now. If he is really in love with you, he will accept you with all your changes in a completely new form. Spare time for each other, for some humor, no matter how busy you stay! Take time to be with him and talk to him and show him how much you love, despite all the differences creeping in. Most importantly, show confidence in the relationship. Remember never to make any negative comment about anything in the relationship, because that would invite more stress. Be yourself, but in a more humble and subtle manner and try to make your man see your true personality and admire it as well, the way he had admired what you had shown him.
So, forget all those fake make-ups, eat exactly what you want to and wear what your heart tells you. If your man does not accept you, then he was never meant for you. If he sticks to you, no matter what the differences are and how much the heat of tension is, then he deserves you. Be faithful to him.
Almost all of us claim to have fallen in love at some point of time or the other. And we go all topsy-turvy, explaining how it all went. For many, this love relationship might have been strong enough to fructify into a life-long knot, for others it might have just been a beautiful, but short journey. Believe me, true love fights its way to a successful harmony for life. What then was the feeling which just faded away with time?
Many of you would debate, saying that it could just not be taken further due to family disturbances and social pressures. Bullshit! Remember, there are people who have given up everything to save their love. We tend to part off from our partners, when we ourselves, in some corner of our heart, believe that our partner is just somehow not the one!
Why did we love them at the first place at all? The explanation is this – There is an almost indistinct line between liking dearly and loving. I like to be in his company, I just feel comfortable with him, time does not have its count when we are together, we can share dreams, I am just used to him and we are just the most wonderful people together! Are you familiar with these feelings? Well the, you have got a great friend for yourself. But don’t mistake your feelings to be those tender butterflies of love! Many of us are just in hurry to fall in love and we pick up the wrong signals. And if you take these signals too seriously, mind it, you are inviting disaster for lifetime! Such relationships break down under the pressures of life!
The signs of love are somewhat different. ‘I feel responsible to him, I can’t see him worried, we fight hundreds of times, but end up hugging each other, I don’t understand, i can’t remember his faults, I give a fuck to everyone, as long as he is with me, I don’t need anyone else, I am afraid I do something that hurts him, Oh! I just love him!’ Are these the things that you have felt? Well then yes, you are definitely in love! Don’t let this guy walk out! Catch hold of him, get married and have children! This is your man!